I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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