I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
