he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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