I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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