i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
