Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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