Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
