There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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