I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
