Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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