So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
