Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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