That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
