My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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