don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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