They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
