Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
