I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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