I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
