now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
