Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
