I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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