I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
