I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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