"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
