The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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