Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
