Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
