He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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