Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Say something about gay babies.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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