I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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