Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
