he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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