I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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