This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so let's talk penis.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
