Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I love you. Go after that dick
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
