he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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