woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
