Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
