the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
