Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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