legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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