If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
