For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
