In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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