Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
