these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
