I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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