I'm gonna have a badass scar
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
