She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
