Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
