Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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